Personal Relations
Shame, Self Esteem and Pride
Mission 4
On this journey, you’ll encounter some emotions we call “social” because they’re inherent to our culture, the transmission of values from our parents, who in turn received them from theirs, and so on.
These emotions are very powerful because they govern our rules of coexistence and are deeply ingrained in our beliefs.
FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE
This time, you land in the territory of shame.
Nothing appears on your map!
It’s a desert.
You use your socio-emotional scanner and discover inhabitants hiding in dark caves. Their clothing, the same color as the earth, covers their entire bodies, making them invisible.
You manage to speak with one of these people, who avoids eye contact and tells you they’re hiding because they’re afraid.
You decide to enter one of the empty caves.
There you find a mirror. It is not just any mirror: it only reflects what you really are, devoid of judgments, values, beliefs.
What do you see? Yourself
How are you feeling? Fine
Why? Because no one is looking at you or judging you.
The mirror speaks to you:…
In the emotion of shame two or more people always intervene.
No one is born ashamed.
Through what we learn as children, we establish what things are “right” and what things are “wrong”.
We feel proud of the former and shame of the latter.
It is the gaze of our parents and relatives, our teachers and those people who represent authority for us, that make us connect with shame.
When we do something that makes us feel ashamed, we usually don’t talk about it.
You can talk to your partner, your family, your friends, about what makes you angry, sad or scary.
But it’s very rare that you talk to someone about what you’re ashamed of.
If I did… what would the other person think of me? What would be their opinion? Would he despise me?
Shame is lived in silence.
If you find it interesting, write down what this makes you feel in your notebook.
What can you be ashamed of?
- Of what you are, have or have done
- Of what you are not, do not have or have not done
- Of what your loved ones are, have or do
- What your loved ones are not, don’t have, or don’t do
See if it happens to you. You can write down your conclusions in your notebook
When we have that gaze watching us, how do we feel? VULNERABLE
Do you know what vulnerability is?
Condition by which a person or group can suffer some type of physical or emotional damage. Being vulnerable implies fragility.
Shame makes you feel vulnerable… is that good or bad?
We invite you to watch this TED Talk by Brene Brown:
After you have watched the video respond to these questions:
Based on the TED Talk you just heard, answer the following questions:
- HAVE YOU EVER FELT DISCONNECTED FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
- DO YOU THINK THAT YOUR TOURETTE SYNDROME HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH SOCIAL DISCONNECTION?
- HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOU FEEL VULNERABLE?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PHRASE “COURAGE…MEANT EXPLAINING THE STORY OF WHO YOU ARE WITH ALL YOUR HEART”?
- CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOUR IMPERFECTIONS OR DO YOU DEMAND TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LETTING YOURSELF BE SEEN? - IS THERE ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR THAT “TOUCHED YOUR HEART” IN THIS TALK?
