Work Relations
Shame, Self Esteem and Pride
Mission 6
Once you finish your learning abroad, you go to a building that looks like a theater, where you are invited to talk about a topic that you like and that you master. When you have to expose a topic in public, whether it’s at school, college, or at work, you feel embarrassed. Don´t worry! It happens to 99.99% of people
You get angry and think “I’m going to do well”, but…
You start to hear “the voice”
- “You are not well prepared”
- “You didn’t finish the grade”
- “Your father already told you that you weren’t good enough”
- “Your tics are going to skyrocket”
- … (add whatever you want)
You get into stage fright. You leave the building after giving your talk (which, by the way, was a success!). As you walk, you begin to imagine that shame is related to what “the other” thinks or will think of me.
And here we return to our culture and the values that we are taught and that end up shaping our beliefs. You arrive at a park where you meet a boy and a girl your age. They’re chatting with each other, trying to define their own identity
To whom does that voice belong? Whose critical gaze is it that points at you and laughs?
I leave the backpack of culture and beliefs in the park and take my plane and go to the territory of self-esteem. It is a pleasant area, well lit, with good temperature and where the inhabitants do not compare with each other.
In the center, there is a huge glass building, it is something similar to a university. I enter the building and the first thing I find is a sign with this phrase by Abraham Maslow (father of humanistic psychology)
Satisfaction of the need for self-esteem leads to feelings of self-confidence, worth, strength, ability, and sufficiency, of being useful and needed in the world
I am going to visit all the plants, where I will find valuable information to improve the vision I have of myself
FIRST FLOOR: THE KNOWLEDGE OF MYSELF
It is very important to realize that all people are unique, unrepeatable and valuable beings, despite how little we know about us.
But if I don’t know myself well, how can I believe that others know everything about me?
The first step towards self-esteem is to be aware of my resources and those points in which I falter.
On this floor I find a sign that says: NO ONE IS PERFECT
SECOND FLOOR: SELF-ASSESSMENT
You don’t get to this plant without going through the first one.
It is impossible to value what is not known.
Make a list of all the things you’ve done well in your life, starting with you surviving! You’ve made it this far!
Other people may have done things better or worse than you, that’s why on this floor you find a sign that says: don’t compare yourself to anyone
THIRD FLOOR: TRUST IN MYSELF
It is a plant full of energy. In it you feel strong, joyful, brave.
Most of the time, things don’t go well for us the first time, or the second… There are times when you don’t even have many options. But by dint of stumbles, you gain confidence.
You can choose to see them as failures or as learning.
On this floor you find a sign that says: LIFE IS UNCERTAIN AND NO ONE BETTER THAN YOU TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOURS
FOURTH FLOOR: MANAGING EMOTIONS
It’s a plant where you start to see things from above, you have more perspective. You know yourself, you value yourself and you trust in your abilities.
Now it’s time to learn to adapt and flow with the realities you face on a daily basis
The poster here tells you:
EVERYTHING CAN BE TAKEN AWAY FROM A MAN EXCEPT THE LAST OF HUMAN FREEDOMS: TO CHOOSE HIS ATTITUDE IN A GIVEN SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES, TO CHOOSE HIS OWN PATH.
CAN’T WE CHANGE THE SITUATION? IF IT IS NOT IN YOUR HANDS TO CHANGE A SITUATION THAT CAUSES YOU PAIN, YOU CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE THE ATTITUDE WITH WHICH YOU FACE THAT SUFFERING.
(VIKTOR FRANKL)
FIFTH FLOOR: AUTONOMY
An autonomous person is one who is capable of managing his or her affairs competently, ethically, and responsibly. She is also respectful of others because she values human dignity.
With the messages from the other plants, I feel empowered to make my own decisions knowing that I am valios@ even if it is not perfect; without comparing myself to otr@s; trusting in my abilities, even if things don’t go well the first time; I’m responsible for how I take things.
The message of the poster is: I allow myself and deserve to take charge of my life, to succeed and to be abundant, REGARDLESS OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
SOME OF THE MOST DIFFICULT AREAS TO MANAGE SHAME ARE THOSE IN WHICH WE HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO SHARE SPACES, PROJECTS AND WHERE SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE MORE COMPLICATED.
SCHOOL IS AN ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH SHAME IS BUILT. EDUCATORS TRANSMIT THE VALUES THEY HAVE RECEIVED AND THUS, WE PASS THEM ON FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION. THEY ALSO DON’T HELP PEOPLE THAT THEY CAN BE VERY CRUEL TO THE VULNERABLE.
THEN WE GET TO JOBS, WHERE WE FEEL EVEN MORE VULNERABLE BECAUSE OF THE PRESSURE FROM BOSSES AND THE COMPETITIVENESS BETWEEN FRIENDS.
ON THIS OCCASION, THE PRESENTATION OF THE ACTIVITY IS A LITTLE LONGER TO READ, BUT VERY SIMPLE TO DO.
OUR BODY IS THE ONE THAT SENSES OUR EMOTIONAL STATE AND RESPONDS IN A VERY SPECIFIC WAY TO EACH SITUATION.
THAT IS WHY SO MUCH IMPORTANCE IS GIVEN TO NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION.
BUT IT IS KNOWN THAT JUST AS YOUR POSTURE AND GESTURES SPEAK OF HOW YOU ARE, THE OPPOSITE IS ALSO TRUE: YOUR POSTURE AND GESTURES CAN HELP CHANGE YOUR MOOD.
IT IS THE FAMOUS EXAMPLE: “DO YOU LAUGH BECAUSE YOU ARE HAPPY OR ARE YOU HAPPY BECAUSE YOU LAUGH?”
PROFESSOR AMY CUDDY OF HARVARD IS AN AFFILIATE AT THE HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL. SHE DISCUSSES TWO APPROACHES THAT HELP CREATE A HABIT OF THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT, AMONG OTHER THINGS, HELPS YOU OVERCOME SHAME.
TO DO THE ACTIVITY, WE SUGGEST YOU WATCH HER TED TALK “BODY LANGUAGE SHAPES YOUR MIND,” IN WHICH YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR POSTURE CAN HELP YOU A LOT IN DEALING WITH RELATIONSHIPS IN THE WORKPLACE AND AT SCHOOL.
https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are?subtitle=es&lng=es
WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU PRACTICE THE TWO BODY POSITIONS DESCRIBED BELOW.
OPTION 1 – AMY CUDDY PRACTICE (*) Courtesy of Dr. Andrés Pomares (www.mindfulnessytrabajo.org)
1st place: winner. For one minute. Connect with kindness.
2nd place: Wonder Woman (high chest, hands on waist, looking at yourself in the mirror). For one minute.
OPTION 2 – AMY CUDDY PLUS PRACTICE (*) Courtesy of Dr. Andrés Pomares (www.mindfulnessytrabajo.org)
SMILING IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH FEAR AND SHAME
AMY CUDDY + SMILE + DOLPHIN BREATHING
WHY IS IT CALLED DOLPHIN BREATHING? (*) Courtesy of Dr. Andrés Pomares (www.mindfulnessytrabajo.org)
- Spectacular projection on children.
- Smile expression
- It’s very pro-human
- Short Inspiration (3 sec)
- Long exhale (9 sec)
- 5 breaths in 1 min: (3+9) x 5 = 60
- Exception: serious situation or angry person in front of you.
PRACTICE DOLPHIN BREATHING BY FOLLOWING THE VIDEOS BELOW AND WHEN YOU HAVE IT, ADOPT THE TWO POSTURES THAT WE HAVE PROPOSED.
- INHALATION
- EXHALATION
- COMPLETE
Do this breathing 21 days, 5 times a day and 2 minutes each time